Thursday, April 26

Crushing realization....

So I randomly stumbled upon this woman's blog and she was posting pictures of her newborn baby girl. I started reading her post about how she was adjusting to having a newborn in the house and how her and her husband were tired but that they were finally getting into a routine which was making things easier. As I was reading though her post about how she struggled with the 'baby blues' which for those of you who don't know, is the dramatic decline of feel good hormones. I imagine it as a thick depression that is chemically induced, and you just have to get through it however possible. I do not know how I am going to get through that without Ashton. The time in your life that you want to bond with your new baby, he will miss it. For almost a year. I can't imagine how he feels about this either, this is going to be so so difficult. But like he said, he isn't the last man to be gone for their baby's birth because of war and he won't be the last. I guess we have to be optimistic... But reading her post about how her and her husband were feeling better, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Ashton won't be here for the birth, bringing her home, or anything after that for NINE MONTHS. My life (and baby) is going to be drastically different when he comes back, how am I going to adjust? How am I going to get through this alone? My mother in law has mentioned that she will come for baby's birth and will stay with me for as long as I need. That is a wonderful gesture and she is a great mother. The thing is she had her babies 30 years ago, how much will I actually be able to trust her advice? Am I being irrational about this? And how much will I be able to relate to her? Will she really provide emotional support or added stress? I don't want to hurt her feelings. And I don't want any of my family to come when the baby is born because they would definately add tons of stress. My good friend Kate said that she would be willing to fly down the day of the birth or basically whenever I need her, which is amazing. She is around babies and children all the time and fairly recently had a daughter of her own. So she knows the ins and outs of baby care, plus she is training to become a nurse. WIN. What I want most, beyond knowing about newborns, is emotional support. Someone I can talk to about whatever is on my mind. About my feelings, to be reasured that everything I am feeling is normal and that no, I am not going crazy it's just baby blues or whatever. Not having Ashton is going to be brutal, but having close friends stay with me will be a god send. A GOD SEND I TELL YOU! These hormones are so intense, they make everything so much more intense. I need to start a meditation to get through this and prepare mentally for the road ahead.

No comments: