Wednesday, May 19
I threw out all of my paintings except the one I made for Ros, the 48x60 and the one Ash and I painted together. I have been told by a family member that she wants one of my paintings. I didn't have the heart to tell her I had destroyed them. I kind of wish I hadn't...and why did I? Because I didn't think they would 'go' anywhere in our house. Nor did I think they were very good pieces of work. I do wish I hadn't thrown them out and just given them to people that wanted them. Total bummer. Especially this one. Although the picture of it looks way better than the actual piece.
at 7:19 PM
Friday, May 7
Addiction is addiction is addiction.
"Long term marijuana use disrupts memory and concentration..."
As much as I miss it, unfortunately this is true. It's been almost a year since...well, no that's a lie...about half a year since I smoked. I do remember how my behavior changed when I was 'under the influence'...I also remember how good it made food taste, how good sex felt, how amazing music sounded and how creative it inspired me to be. More still, the circle of friends associated with smoking are what I miss the most. I miss the letting go, as Melissa put it. And it is true, I do miss the zealous free spirit I once was. Assuming the form of an adult is no easy task but I am learning what is healthy to hold onto, and what is not. We must move with change or get pulled under by it's current.
I can no longer keep abreast that self I use to keep. The state of abstracted musing may have surpassed me once, but I shall not throw out my canvas.
at 5:48 PM